Allen Ravenix: The real me.

Hello, I'm name is Allen Bailey Chapman, my screen name is Allen Ravenix and I have Asperger's Syndrome. I have Asperger's since the day I was born for as far as I know. For though who don't know what Asperger's Syndrome is it is a form of autism that effects one social life, nonverbal sighs, and restricted or certain patterns in daily or week routines. While hard to have a social and have a love life, people with Asperger's are known to be really creative, and we can be in our own little world. While some have forms of focusing problems, I have what is known as high functioning Asperger's which means I can focus on other thing while being in my own world.
I can day dream from time to time, but I can end up thinking of my world while working on something, and when it comes to school work, I just in-vision what going on to understand it better. To my family who see me pacing with music or not I'm not pacing because I'm nerves, I'm pacing because I visualizing my world, and how I get my creative juices going. It help me think of what to do, or how a story should play out. I love music and while I may not show it or rarely show it I love to sing, and some people say I have a good sing voice. LOL!!! I'm was known to be shy, but I have kind of grown out of it, however I still keep to myself and will not speak first. At rare times I will speak first but only if I feel it cool.

I have a certain pattern each week that I follow and any change or force change is like pulling teeth for me. I really HATE changes if I'm not prepared for it or slowly go into it, but even then it still bugs me or it can overwhelm me a change in my life pattern. It very hard for me when someone suggest to me to change something in my time plain or something to do something out of the normal, such as going from part time to full time or even move out. I really don't like force change because it stress me out, I'm not used it, and it bugs me to no end. For those who say get over it and just change... Easy said then done. Just because it's easy for one person doesn't mean I am! With me, to get me or anyone else with Asperger's is hard because we like to follow a strict pattern that doesn't overwhelm us. Now having said that... just because we don't like the idea of changing doesn't mean we can or will, we have to slowly work to that change, but we normally like the "well enough".

We also like to keep a style to us that other people may or may not understand. I love to wear dark clothing with colors of black, red, and gray. I don't like to wear anything else outside at least. I normally act cool and mellow, laid back even, but when it calls for it I will get aggressive. When my bull shit detector go off, I can get really mean to a point I almost rude about it. I have trouble dealing with certain situations, and I've can over react a bit, but that it I can't control it. I know it, but it hard for me to justified with it. I remember I got mad at my mom because we was unable to find my brother Aiden's insulin and she was ask me where it was, but who she ask it was like she was annoyed at me like I was responsible with it, which I'm normally am, but this time my brother had it and he took it to mom's house. When we found it, it hadn't been place in the fridge and when I show mom it, she started to get mad, but it felt like she was mad at me, and it cause me to overact and stand up to mom, and an half hour later we all forgave each other. I normally don't go off the handle like that, but I feel that as I grow older this may worsen.

My own style also has me with long length hair, and I rather enjoy it. It started after sometime between 10th and 11th grade. In the past I was bullied, picket on for things I don't wasn't able to understand. Even in high school I was still pick on, and this was also during a time were I was unable to express myself, or can't get my mind out of my head which effected my grades. Then I lesion to a group known as Disturbed and suddenly I felt each lyric they said like it was a passage in the bible, and soon I change my appearance and became tougher, and soon the people who picked on me left me alone. Now I kept the look because I feel conformable with it, and would rather die to change my style for anyone else, because I want to be known for me because I am who I am. I don't what other people to changes because it destroys who they are... My message for this part is, be who you truly are, not what others want you to be...

Now it may look like that everything in my life seems bad, but really no... If I can say anything in my life I can say I have more Pros then Cons in life. I have a good life, very loving and caring mother, a funny dad, a goofy brother, and love happy sister. I also have folks who love me up in Ohio. I got a job that pays ok, a car and my drivers license, really creative art and stories and I feel life is good. I can't ask for anything else because i don't think I can... I got credits in college with plains to go back in the fall, and hopes to start my own YouTube channel so I can talk about nerdy things or explain that we don't need to fight over everything, and show that we can agree to disagree. I smart, creative, and I'm known to stay positive even in the worst of times. I'm known to be either Adamant do to my Aspergers or Naive because I'm to kind hearted. I also been known to believe something things people say about be me even when they are messing with me, but I've learn to handle it just about.

I don't really see my Asperger's as a curse, I see it as a gift. I can see life in a different prospective and can be very intoned with my very surroundings or other people and their feels. I can read certain text and know what that person is feeling or feel their emotions just by simply being around them, it's not really a 6th sense but it's a pretty handy skill to have. My intonement with my environment lead me to create my element belief. How we are part of the elements them selves and each one of us is able to control them, not only that but our very emotions are a gift from the elements themselves to help us feel. Yeah sure my head maybe in my own little world at times, but whos isn't? I have this saying that we all, no matter how old we are... are never truly grown up, and if we say "act your age" or "grow up" then it only show that we are immature. We act how we truly want to act... you know my mom still plays video games and chats online like a teenager, but she is still a respectable person. My dad cracks jokes, with some being in the gutter, but he saves lives. I collect plusies, play games, and express my own creativity no matter how childish, weird, or dark it is; and I'm a respectful, calm, hard working person who is willing to give a damn for the right answer. To those who say "grow up" "it's tabuu for grown up to have fun" Then I say... Go Fuck yourself! Either you didn't go enough love from your parents, or they was too hard on you. Relax and live your life to the fullest on how it should be and not what other expect you to do!

When it comes to politics... I kind of gave up on it... no matter which side I hear it's either... Democrats this or Republicans that... how about SHUT UP AND FIX THIS COUNTRY!!! If Gorge Washington was still alive, he slap the shit out of each and everyone of you! When it comes to religion... I believe both in Christianity and Buddhism, and I can enjoy anyone of a different faith. I do have a bit of a bias on Atheists do to a friend of mine trying to shove his Atheist stuff during the time of the Boston bombings and I said "I pray for the people who lost their love ones or has love ones missing or injured" and he said "pray doesn't do a thing!" Really? In a time of need and to give people hope your going to throw your beliefs into this? Don't get me wrong I don't have anyone who is Atheists, but when force your belief through any means it just comes out wrong and cause more problem then it solves. I know there are some Christians who take their beliefs too seriously, but I feel that Atheist are no different. Just shut up and let people love who they want, and believe in what they want.

One of my strongest pet peeves is being talk down to like I don't know it, when I really do... I'm always being told this that and the other, and I'm like... *sigh* yeah... yeah... go away... yeah... stop! And I really hate it when someone treat me like I'm less then who I am. That always infuriates me to be talk down to. I'm 24 years old, I know what i do, and know what's going on! Stop telling me to cut my hair! How about grows yours out and stop looking like those women on the news or talkshows! I'm sorry I had to get that out, lol! I prefer to be treat who for who I am, no more, no less... I don't like any of the attention and I'm not a huggy person, it's just not me, nor in my nature because it doesn't feel right. I will hug when it's need and touch when it's right. I don't want to be treated like I'm special, I just want others to treat me how I would treat them, calm caring, understanding, and tolerable regardless of who they are, what they look like, or where they come from. It's never fair to judge others, in fact I find that to judge other is wrong because 9 times out of 10 their is another side of what your thinking, and if you can't help that, then be ready other others to judge you.

When I get mad, or pissed off I normally do go off the ball right there on the seen, I go so no one can hear or see me and just explode there. Cuss out who ever in front of me and God with out doing it in their face. Because normally when I get mad... I don't think right, and remember how I like to envision stuff... I can always see my self becoming violent, causing harm, becoming someone who I'm not. I always see it when something wrong happens and I get mad... I always envision my self becoming a monster... that is my greatest fear, to lose control of myself that lashes out at someone that made me mad almost to a point I put their life at risk. Normally I calm down over time, because I'm not a person to hold a grudge and I was able to blow the steam out. There are at times where my rage for a event in the past I can remember, and I can always envision doing something different. I'm not a violent person, and I hope to God I never will be... To my Mom, Dad my Aunts, Maw Maw and Na Na. I say this because I know you want to grill me for what I have said earlier, the thing is I been bottling those feeling for sometime now, and now I'm at the point it's been affecting my mental state. I love you all with all my hear, and though we may not see eye to eye on certain things, and you guys may mess with me about those things, just please keep in mind that the last thing I want to do is explode on any of you, and If I lose control of my self I don't know what I may do. I don't want to hurt anybody mentally or physically because it's not fair. You all know that I interrupter things differently, where it be funny to one person, it could be hurtful to me... and for the hair thing... please... there is stuff to make hair grow back, and hair thinking, I've been use some of it and it's working. I just need to keep calm and not let stress to get to me. I love you guys, and I only hope you guys understand. If not then I hope you can accept my apologies, I was just being tried of being judge or treated less then who I man. I appreciate all that you all have done for me and I can't say that enough.

I'm Allen Chapman, I'm 24 years old, I'm a person with Asperger's Syndrome, and I'm proud of who I am and where I am in life. My goal in life maybe a long one, but you know what they say Rome wasn't built in a day. This is what life with Asperger's has been like to me. I am a very friendly person, and if you took the time to get to know me then I can be the strongest friend you will have ever met, to the girls who are single out their I am like a bear and can be a strong boyfriend, though I might have trouble expressing my true feeling, but give me time I and can say them in time... I am not a super hero... I am only just a mortal who is able to only do so much... I am Allen.